Kinda Lost...

There is something I have been struggling with. You see I seem kind of lost. In the last few years I have spent this time of year very wisely, this year not so much. Its not like I am wasting time or anything I just dont have a plan. My goals are not set so the path is not known. I am struggling with goals and an old problem of mine I have not thought about in a long time. In fact I forgot I had it. When I was a kid I was a real good baseball player. I thought my life was going in a baseball direction. I spent all of my waking hours watching videotape of me in the cage or my at-bats during the last game. I did not have the outcome I thought I was going to get. I was devastated where do I stand? What do I do? I was so jealous of the baseball players that went on to college and got drafted. I busted my ass to be less than good enough. My definition of good enough. I find myself back in this place. I am busting my ass and I am not measuring up. What should I be learning? Instead of a quote today I will place this excerpt my buddy Karl gave to me. This is kind of what I am thinking too.

"Every kid’s talent level is different. And their motivation level is a lot different. When I talk with kids, the biggest thing I stress with them is to be hungry for the sport and to enjoy the sport. That is the bottom line. And then if you are hungry to improve in the sport, you need to set a lot of short-term and long-term goals. You also have to set a lot of goals in between. Whenever I sign an autograph, I write, “Dream big,” because if you don’t set your goals to a little bit higher than you think you can accomplish, then you are never going to be reaching your full potential. Obviously, some people are going to be limited by what they can handle, but each runner needs to find that level of hard work that they can handle. It’s more than piling on a lot of miles, breaking down, and getting tired. Find that level that you can handle for a long time and consistently put in a lot of hard work. Whatever that level is, will pay off over time. You will see improvements. As you get older and stronger you will be able to increase that workload. You start to see results. You have to constantly stay motivated and constantly reach for that bigger goal that you have set for yourself."

--Chris Solinsky

I am seeing results and they are improvements. They just arent good enough. My struggle is between dreaming big, pushing myself hard, and finding my true potential. I am not in love with running right now. I am not getting the rush even though I am stronger. I ran 17 miles today and I was miserable. I was thinking too much and not running enough. My back is nearly 100%. Stretching doesnt do anything for it, but strength training does. Planks with alternating arms/legs, lower abs, figure 4 gluts, and kettle bells are bringing me back. Here is how my week went:

Monday-Rest

Tuesday-Run 4 miles. My blisters did not tolerate it but I fought through it.

Wednesday-Pushed a 5 mile run to sleep. I couldnt get out of bed.

Thursday-Ran 6 miles and fought myself the whole way. Got them in.

Friday-Rest, pushed a 5 mile run to sleep. Not very motivated.

Saturday-Ran 5 miles and basically got them in. Trend?

Sunday-Ran 17 miles for a weekend total of 22. I am glad I got them all in because I wasnt motivated but not happy about the results very slow.

I am on the clock now officially with the Surf City Marathon. Better get my stuff together before then.